In My Head

…….Compensation & Benefits Strategy & Plan Design class!!!

To old memories and the new ones still to come.

4:30 AM I wake up wide awake. “No, no, no! Don’t think. Go back to sleep. You can still do it!”….  But it was too late. My thoughts had already started to race and pour over my group project due tomorrow and my other class readings for tonight.  Worry. Stress.  I had worked myself up pretty well.

I tried everything I could think of to clear my head and go back to slee – meditation, visualization, counting – none of it worked.

5:00 AM Boot Bitch gets up. ‘Boot Bitch’ is what I call the morning version of the girl upstairs.  On top of being loud when getting ready in the mornings, she’s a heavy walker – a heavy walker with a new pair of boots stomping on the nice wood floor.

6:40 AM Hubby gets up.  Boot Bitch is gone. And, suddenly, I’m sleepy agian. F’n figures! I decide to sleep in a bit and set the alarm.

After Hubby kisses me goodbye and leaves I try to go back to sleep, but the dog is pacing around the bed – her nails tapping the wood floor with each step. She stops and stares at me and then continues to pace. “Go lie down or I swear I will f-up  your world!” (Clearly, I was on the edge.) She had been fed & walked. She required nothing - except attention.

I somehow managed to go back to sleep. When I awaken, I notice that the bedroom door is shut. Odd. Hubby doesn’t do that.  I got up, opened the door, and in the kitchen is this middle-aged woman with her hair in a pony tail helping herself to coffee. “What the hell are you doing in my house? How did you get in here?!” She didn’t answer (though I know she heard me). I look at the clock on the microwave.  It’s 10:00 AM.  She must have shut off my alarm so I wouldn’t wake up!

The woman kept avoiding my questions and calmly walked to our livingroom and out onto the balcony (apparently we have a balcony) where a middle-aged man was sipping coffee.  I had had enough.  With one hand, I grabbed the woman by the throat tight (as a warning, but not chocking her) and told her she’d better start giving me some answers. The woman, not really that phased, said that my dad let her in. WTF?!  “What does my dad look like?”  She looked around for photos, but I had none. “Stop looking around. You won’t find the answers there.” She didn’t respond. “I suppose my dad came all the way from Florida to let you in.”

The woman just kept looking around suspiciously.  We walked into another room while the man calmly remained on the balcony drinking his coffee. I wrestled the woman to the floor and with my hand still around her neck, I told her this was her last chance.  She said the doorman let her in. “No he didn’t!” (Apparently we have a doorman now.) She said that he’s been letting homeless people into empty apartments during the day so they can take a nap.  When they’re done, they return the apartment key to him on the way out.

WHAT?!!!  What the hell?!!!

Instead of doing what any rational person would do – call the police – I yell at them to get out, and they do.  Now I’m all paranoid again.  I’m thinking “I need to get a locksmith to change the locks and give me the keys so that only I have the keys.” And I’m stressing about how I convince the locksmith to do this, since they’ll only do this for owners, not renters.

Then I wake up suddenly. I look towards the door.  It’s open.  I look at the clock. It’s 7:50 AM. It was all a dream.  Or was it?  I can’t shake the feeling.  I get up, inspect the apartment (smell of coffee that hubby made still in the air). All clear. No one else inside.  No balcony either. Silly, a doorman for a duplex? Heh.

This is the kind of sh!t I’ve been dealing with off and on lately.  Fortunately, not every night, but often. I’ve quit eating after 7:00 PM. No alcohol. I got a new comfy pillow.  I even quit drinking caffinated coffee, just in case. I don’t have trouble falling asleep. That’s easy.  It’s staying asleep that’s the issue.

This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.  Especially the second voice mail.