In My Head

I’ve been feeling down off and on ever since my unfortunate “dream job fell through” incident. I picked myself up and have been going on interviews with large cap, well-known companies. I did so well that I’ve made it to the top two candidates in three instances.

One job…might have have been another dream.  Just found out today that they gave the job to the internal candidate to save them from getting the ax. They were scheduled to be part of a RIF (reduction in force) coninciding with a hiring freeze that seems to have just started in the industry. Once again, they loved me, and yet I didn’t get the job.

It gets old. I know I’m capable of doing so much more. I WANT to do so much more…. I thrive on a challenge and I know that I can rise to the occasion. I’m not lazy.  I just wish someone would give me a chance. I keep picking myself up, but disappointment is getting hard to deal with.

On top of that, I have to deal with stupid judgmental people who’ve decided that if Hubby and I aren’t interested in having our own kids that we must hate kids, be physically incapable of having them or are selfish. WTF?!

Amidst this and other inner turmoil I’ve been shouldering, it’s been hard to find a reason to smile. Yet I’m of the opinion that I must keep going. That only we can change our own outcomes. So I do…keep going… keep trying.

Please…show me some evidence that I keep going for a reason.

A wise person told me today “Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.” Perhaps this is an opportunity for me to learn how to dance in the rain.

If you have Dominican friends or family, you’ll know that Dominicans run on a more relaxed schedule.  Hate it when someone makes you wait? Hate it when things don’t run smoothly, even when you planned everything ahead of time? Get used to it! For a lack of a better term we can call this “Dominican time!” It’s hard to determine how far behind Dominican time is from regular time, but our estimates say that the difference is about 30-45 minutes from time in the rest of the world. Even if you plan things years in advance you will always have someone showing up late. It’s just the way things are. If someone says let’s meet at 8, the odds are you’ll end up meeting at 9. Got a meeting with the doctor at 4:30, he is more likely to show up at around 5:15. You called for a pizza at 6, there is a God if you are eating that same pizza by 6:30. The only things that are ever on time in the DR are bills and your clock and that’s only if your clock is battery operated.

When it comes to parties or social gatherings, it is the duty of the hostess to be ready for her guests at the appointed hour, but she does not really expect anyone to arrive until at least half an hour later. Many will not appreciate your being “on time.” Dominican social practice permits the guests a great deal of flexibility… arriving an hour late is “not late,” you are on time. Once you get used to it, you might find it removes a lot of the pressure to arrive on the dot.

So why do bring this up? I’m supposed to be hosting lunch for some Dominican family today. They did have the decency to call 30 minutes before our scheduled time to say they were running late “but we’re ready”. Two hours after the scheduled time, they’re still not here. Furthermore, I can’t even get ahold of them. It’s radio silence on their end.

Meanwhile, I have a ton of food just sitting there… waiting. I’m not even bothering to start cooking (though all the prep work is done) because who the hell knows when these people are going to bother to show up. The last family of Dominicans we had over showed up 2 hrs late and then didn’t even eat much. (I assume they ate plenty wherever they were before us.)

Unless “Dominican time” has changed, this is just ridiculously and inconsiderately late. Hubby and I go to a lot of trouble to cook a nice meal, to clean, to ensure that our guests are well cared for. The least they could freaking do is try to show up within 30 minutes of the scheduled time!

UPDATE: I just got a text that they’re on their way… Guessing it’ll take them 45 min to get here, so 3 hrs after our scheduled time, they should be here.

Might as well call it dinner now…. Don’t get me wrong. I love them, no question. But COOOOOÑO!!!

My mind says we should wait to get another dog, not just because Hubby’s not ready (which I respect), but also because we just lost Charlie in May. We should wait to see what our job situation is going to be. We currently don’t have to rush home to let a dog out or to feed it. When we travel, we don’t have to plan for boarding. So many less things to worry about…  But my heart just misses having that extra companion…that someone else to care for that loves me back unconditionally.

“What people say they want and what they’re willing to work their ass off to get are two different things.”

I wonder if that’s what the higher ups tell the general masses to keep them striving towards that which most of them won’t achieve, no matter how hard they try?

I nicknamed my female upstairs neighbor “Stompy” because she walks around like a 3000 pound gorilla (and she’s not even a big girl). Two other guys live upstairs, but their walks are nothing compared to hers.

I’ve put up with her stomping for two years now (along with other inconsiderate things from all of them), and I can safely say that I harbor ill will towards her. If she was trapped under a subway car desperately screaming for help, I’d laugh and throw my milkshake at her.

“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.”

Collateral Damage (noun): Any damage or destruction incidental to an activity. Such damage is not in violation of the laws of performing such activity so long as it is not excessive in light of the overall advantage anticipated from the action.
Acceptable Loss (noun): A sacrifice that is deemed an acceptable cost of doing business. The implications of the term may be summed up as “What are we willing to lose to achieve a goal?”